Silence

 

What do you want to hear? That I love you and miss you a lot? That the little time we had was never enough to evoke these feelings but somehow it managed to? That I wish you would stop and be completely honest with me?

How would it be to you when I am all that and you tire of me? You then have me wondering what it is I did wrong and why things changed between us. You make me feel that far behind because that is where you find it right to put me.

I am hanging onto a moment of your truth. The complete sincerity, honesty, and clarity you give to me with heartfelt charity. You do not understand me, but in the beginning your words were all about getting to know me better. Was it me or was it the want for something more.

The desire came so clear that it pushed me off balance because I could not see, did not see that other side of you because you hid so well behind your words and pretence. Somehow I fall for it all over again because in one moment, just one, I remember the laughs and peace we shared and I change the facts with my heart and mind that you actually may be real for that one moment then maybe for eternity. But then again reality covers me with darkness when it starts all over.

The desire to be happy with the one you think about at night before you sleep and wake up wondering if all is good with that one could not be a bad thing, could it? The tears of rejection turned the white sheets to brown because the reason for the tears just could not come clean.

Say something yourself and stop leaving me dumb because I do not know what is.

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Love and 5 letters..

The word love is a heavy word isn't it? and trust is lighter but somehow carries much more weight than love.

I understand that without trust you can't love completely, and by being in love with someone, you have that little thing called trust. The trust you have to be able to share your heart with someone. The trust to be able to let someone in, and that alone is on your part, to trust yourself. What makes it whole is the trust for the other. The trust for his or her intentions towards you, the trust he makes you see.

Trust and love are more complicated than life itself, because no matter how stressed out you are about life and what it has dealt you with, the situation and feeling of love and trust is way more overwhelming and complicated than that.

Love is really sweet when you're in it. Love shows you clearly what you haven't seen in yourself and people. It alone makes you happy and you just might find yourself smiling at nothing all day. You feel so alive and it makes you look forward to the next day and the days after.

Love is a lot of things. It is amazing to be in it and to feel it, but when love deals with you, it finishes you. You become empty, you don't look forward to the coming days because you are depressed every other day..

That much hope, sweetness, and longing becomes a burden. It stresses your entire being and sometimes there are people who actually give up. Then I ask myself, why risk being in love or falling in love with someone supposing that when it ends or shatters, it carries me along with it, shattered by it, and I fall to the ground and feel the worst pain ever! My heart tearing itself out without giving me the peace of mind, or a break. 

Why risk love? When love will blow my brains out and ironically have me feel so alive then tear my heart out and kill me every single day?

One thing I know is that above all that, love is the best thing there is and ever will be. In this world filled with uncertainty and wickedness, love brings peace, harmony, the willingness to help, to understand, to be happy with yourself and everyone. 

Love makes us certain because there's trust, and we trust because we know, we know that we can, because we know he or she is worth it.

Love will find you, and when it does, you'll wish you never ran away from it. But first, love yourself deeply and completely. We risk loving someone because to us, he or she is worth it.

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F O C U S

I find myself stuck most times, and I wonder that I put myself there time and time again, like I lead myself to the point of getting stuck, and that has become a habit, the need for wanting someone or something to get me out.

I know what I want, and I want too many things that sometimes I get confused and just lay there feeling lazy. I call it being lazy because I remind myself that to get all that, I need to work twice as hard.

I shouldn’t need people to remind me. I shouldn’t need to be taught the things I can learn on my own. I shouldn’t feel lazy when I want too much for myself that I feel I don’t have enough.

Focus on the things you want. Do not lose focus and get lazy. You won’t get far if you don’t continue striving and working hard. You are very talented. There are people out there who are too, and as talented as you think you are, there is someone working twice as hard. How far do you think you can go with where you are right now?

..think about it. 

And yes.. have a great weekend ;) 

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